Forgive as If It Never Happened
 

As a Christian band, we’ve seen firsthand how forgiveness can mend hearts and restore relationships. In our years of making music and ministry, each of us has faced moments of deep hurt. We’ve been wronged by others, and we’ve also had to ask for forgiveness when we failed. Through it all, we’ve learned that forgiveness isn’t just a lofty ideal – it’s a life-giving practice that reflects the heart of God. We want to share what we’ve discovered about forgiving others as if the offense never happened, because that’s exactly how God forgives us through Christ.
 

God’s Forgiveness: Our Ultimate Example
 

The Bible paints a beautiful picture of God’s forgiveness. When God forgives, He completely removes our sin from us – “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). He even promises, “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (Jeremiah 31:34). Think about that: the all-knowing God chooses not to remember our wrongs once He’s forgiven us. In Christ, we are justified, which means God sees us “just as if we had never sinned.” There is “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). God doesn’t hold our past against us or keep us at arm’s length. Instead, He welcomes us back into close fellowship, just like the father in Jesus’ parable who celebrated the return of his prodigal son without any resentment (Luke 15:20–24).

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This astounding grace is our model: we are called to forgive others just as God forgave us (Colossians 3:13). Jesus even tied our forgiveness from God to our willingness to forgive others: “If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14). That’s a sobering reminder that a forgiving heart is not optional for believers. How can we, who have received such mercy, withhold mercy from someone else?

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Letting Go of the Offense

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Forgiveness means releasing the debt of the offense. When someone hurts us, it’s like they owe us a debt, but forgiving is saying, “You don’t owe me anymore.” It’s deciding not to seek revenge or hold a grudge. The apostle Paul describes love this way: “it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). In other words, true godly love doesn’t keep score of how many times someone has hurt us. When we forgive, we intentionally forget in the sense that we no longer cling to the incident. We treat the person as if the sin had never happened – not by pretending it was okay, but by refusing to constantly bring it up or nurse the bitterness.

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This doesn’t mean that what they did wasn’t painful or wrong. Forgiving also doesn’t mean we automatically trust an unrepentant person or put ourselves back in a harmful situation. As Christians we are called to be “innocent as doves” yet “shrewd as snakes” (Matthew 10:16). In serious cases of betrayal or abuse, you can forgive someone while still keeping healthy boundaries. Forgiveness is not the same as trust, which may need to be rebuilt over time.

What forgiveness does involve is taking the offender off your hook and handing them over to God. It’s releasing your grip on the offense so that it no longer controls you. When we do that, we reflect our Father’s heart. The Bible says God was “reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them” (2 Corinthians 5:19). In Christ, God essentially treats us as if we had never sinned – He doesn’t count our sins against us. In our own relationships, forgiving “as if it never happened” means we don’t keep a mental list of past grievances to use against the person later. We choose to show grace.

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“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Covering someone’s sin doesn’t mean hiding abuse or enabling evil; it means we choose to cover the offense with mercy, so that the wrong does not continue to define the relationship. We let grace flood in and wash away the stain of the incident, instead of replaying it over and over.

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It’s often said that holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. In reality, unforgiveness poisons our own hearts. When we refuse to forgive, bitterness grows and chokes out our joy (Hebrews 12:15). We’ve met people – and maybe you have too – who carry old grudges everywhere. The pain of the past keeps them imprisoned and steals their peace. We know it’s not easy, but letting go of the offense is the path to freedom. When you release that debt, you make room for God’s peace to fill your heart.

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When Forgiveness Feels Impossible

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Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “This sounds nice, but you don’t know how badly I’ve been hurt.” You’re right – we don’t know your story or the wounds you carry. Some offenses cut deeper than others, and the closer the relationship, the more it hurts when trust is broken. Perhaps you were betrayed by someone you loved and trusted. Forgiving in such situations can feel impossible. But remember, nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37). He understands your pain. Jesus Himself endured incredible betrayal and suffering – yet as He hung on the cross, He prayed, “Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34).

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If you’re struggling to forgive, know that we’ve been there too. There were times in our band when tensions ran high and feelings got hurt. We had to make the choice to forgive each other, sometimes through tears and tough conversations. Each time, we found that God met us in that moment, softening our hearts. It didn’t happen overnight, but the healing began when we were willing to obey God and let go of the offense.

We also realized that when we withhold forgiveness, we’re the ones who suffer most. The bitterness and anger only weigh us down. But when we finally say, “I forgive you,” it’s like a burden lifts off our shoulders. The situation may still be painful, but it no longer controls us.

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So how do you start forgiving when it feels so hard? Here are some steps that have helped us on our journey of forgiveness:

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• Pray honestly about your pain. Bring your hurt to God in prayer. Tell Him what happened and how it made you feel. Ask Him for the strength and willingness to forgive. We can’t do this in our own power, but God’s Spirit can help soften our heart (Ezekiel 36:26).

• Remember God’s mercy toward you. Take time to reflect on the ways God has forgiven you. None of us is without sin; we’ve all received grace we didn’t deserve. When we recall that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8), it humbles us. Keeping God’s mercy in view gives us compassion for others’ failures.

• Choose to release the offender. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. In prayer, verbally release the person and surrender your right to get even. You might say, “Lord, I forgive [Name]. I cancel the debt they owe me. I let go of my anger and leave justice in Your hands.” This is an act of obedience, trusting that God will deal with the situation fairly (Romans 12:19).

• Pray for the person who hurt you. Jesus said to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). It’s hard to stay bitter at someone when you’re bringing them before God. Praying for them – for their heart, their well-being, and their repentance – aligns our attitude with God’s love. It doesn’t excuse what they did, but it helps break the hold of hatred.

• Repeat as necessary. Some wounds heal in stages. You might forgive and then weeks later the memories resurface along with anger or pain. When that happens, forgive again. Peter once asked Jesus if he should forgive someone up to seven times, and Jesus answered, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven times” (Matthew 18:22). In other words, keep forgiving as often as it takes. Whenever the offense comes to mind, remind yourself that you’ve released that debt to God. Over time, the sting will lessen and you’ll find greater peace.

 

Living in the Freedom of Grace

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When we forgive others as God forgives us, we step into a life marked by freedom, peace, and restored relationships. We’ve seen this in our own lives. After choosing forgiveness, we’ve watched friendships heal and even become stronger than before. In some cases, the other person never apologized or even recognized how deeply they hurt us – yet by God’s grace, we were able to let it go and move forward. In doing so, we were no longer chained to the past. We could play our music, worship, and laugh together with light hearts, no longer carrying that heavy burden.

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Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’ll never remember the offense; it means that when you do remember, it no longer dominates your heart or defines how you treat the person. You can actually wish them well and seek their good – that is a sign God has done a healing work in you. This is how we mirror Christ. He loved us while we were still sinners, and He calls us to extend that same grace to others (Ephesians 4:32).

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Choosing to forgive is not easy, but it is one of the most powerful ways we can show Jesus to the world. In a culture where grudges and revenge are common, a forgiving heart shines as a testimony of God’s love. When we forgive as if it never happened, we aren’t saying the hurt didn’t matter – we’re saying God’s grace matters more. We’re saying that the cross of Christ is big enough to cover both our sins and the sins committed against us. We’re entrusting our pain to the One who heals and leaving justice to the One who judges righteously.

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So today, if you sense God nudging your heart about someone you need to forgive, we encourage you to take that step. It might be a slow journey, but each step of forgiveness brings you closer to the heart of God. Just as He has wiped your slate clean, by His power you can wipe the slate clean for someone else. Let them see the mercy of God through you. In doing so, you’ll find that your own soul is lighter and your joy more full. Forgiveness is a gift you give to others, and amazingly it turns out to be a gift that sets you free.

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– Shunned at a Funeral
(From the heart of a band that’s learning to forgive, just as we have been forgiven.)